Secret to growth
It was 2010, we were in Ghana, West Africa. It was a normal day on the missions field. Except I came out of my room and walked over towards Brittany's part of the compound. She was just beaming from ear to ear. She was so excited. I began to talk to her about her day and what she had been doing. All she could talk about was what Jesus had been teaching her. She was overjoyed by the increasing revelation that God was giving her in His Word. We were 3 months into our work in Ghana. All I seemed to be experiencing was spiritual warfare and here was Brittany- so filled with joy that she could barely walk straight! I heard enough. I found an excuse to leave and I returned to my room. I immediately began to pray. "God, what is going on?" "I have pursued you all these years. I've been your follower for a long time. She has followed you for a short time in comparison. Yet I am jealous of her! I want what she has! She has a closeness with you that I don't have. How is it that after all these years, after all we've been through, this is how it is?"
I was angry. God had promised to be close to me. He had promised to never leave or forsake me. He had promised that his fire would consume me. He had told me that I would see masses saved, the sick healed, relationships restored. Yet I was only catching glimpses of these things. Not only that but I wasn't even as close to Him as other, younger Christians. Well, how many of you know that all God wants is an honest prayer. He'll show up for an honest prayer. And show up He did.
As soon as those thoughts crossed my mind-God spoke. He spoke with such clarity and authority that I will never forget His words that day.
"Your level of growth is directly proportionate to your level of surrender. She has given me her whole heart. You are still trying to be in control."
God's word to me impacted me so much that I actually walked outside, confessed my jealousy to her and told her what God had said. She wasn't offended. She rejoiced in the truth that God had given to me. Ever since then we have talked about the lesson we learned that day. Over and over again our heavenly PaPa has brought us back to it. "Just trust and you will see more of me."